Many will shower their devoted partners with sweet treats and rosy bouquets on Valentine’s Day. But the other half will sink in a lonely puddle of heartbreak, with the day only serving as a reminder that they do not have a special someone in their life or there’s someone they would like to forget.
That’s why many companies and organizations have come up with ways for the heartsick to get in on the February festivities. Instead of romantic gestures, these are some things you can do to gain closure or get revenge — particularly if you’ve ever thought of somewhere else you’d like to shove Cupid’s arrows.
“Neuter Your Ex”
Not literally. An animal shelter in New Jersey is hosting a unique event where you can make a $50 donation to have a feral cat named after your ex. The cat will then be neutered or spayed and returned to their colony in the wild. The Homeward Bound Pet Adoption Center in Blackwood, New Jersey, said the donation will help contribute to their trap-neuter-return (TNR) program, “a vital component of feral cat population control.” The shelter announced the event on social media with the quote, “Because some things shouldn’t breed.”
A shelter in Maryland is taking the same approach. For a $25 donation, The Feline Rescue Association will “snip” a feral cat named after your ex. The organization said it may take months before your ex’s name is used, but they promise it will be.
If you’ve ever compared your ex to a worm, the St. Louis Aquarium’s fundraiser might be the choice for you. A donation of $5, $10 or $25 will allow you to symbolically name a mealworm, cricket or veggie after your ex that will then be fed to one of the animals at the aquarium. “As part of your donation, you will receive a digital Valentine’s Day Card showing your support for the Love Bites Fundraiser,” the aquarium said on its website.
The San Antonio Zoo is continuing its annual “Cry Me a Cockroach” fundraiser this year. Symbolically name a veggie for $5, a roach for $10 or a rat for $25 after your ex or not-so-special someone and the zoo will feed it to one of their animal residents. Your donation will get you a digital downloadable Valentine’s Day card showing your support for the fundraiser. You can submit the donation on the zoo's website.
Scrap Your Ex
If you prefer to think of your ex as garbage rather than a sacrificial cockroach or something that needs to be sterilized, this program across the pond is for you. Scrap Car Comparison in Britain will allow people to have cars named after their exes before being sent to the scrap heap. All you have to do is put your name into an online form and explain why your ex-lover deserves to end up in the dump. The company said you will receive photographic evidence of the deed once it has happened, “providing the ultimate heartbreak healer.”
Say Goodbye With a Pie
Maybe you don’t have an ex just yet and you need to find a pleasant way to tell them it’s over. That’s the idea behind Pizza Hut’s new “Goodbye Pie” promotion. Now until Feb. 14, you can order a hot honey pepperoni pizza from participating locations to be delivered to your ex with a customized message on the outside of the pizza box. The company even has a random excuse generator to help you find the perfect words for your breakup message. Nothing says “it’s over” like chain restaurant pizza.
P.F. Chang’s has a new promotion specifically for those scorned by a break-up text. If you share proof that you were dumped via text message, you’ll get six free pork or shrimp dumplings from the Chinese restaurant chain between now and Feb. 21, National Break Up Day. Ironically, the company said you can text 855-697-6181 with “CHANGSDUMPLINGS” and your proof to redeem the offer, which is only valid with a $1 purchase.
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